A few weeks ago, it occurred to me that I hadn’t posted here in over a year. In truth, I almost closed this blog down entirely when it was up for renewal in January. I was aware then that I hadn’t posted in a long time, but I also decided to keep it open just in case. Still, months have gone by, and I haven’t felt an impulse to return. Every now and then I get an impulse to delete the entire thing. Still I can’t quite bring myself to let the site go entirely. It’s my hope that perhaps in writing a post here, I’ll work through some of my thoughts on the matter.
What happened?
The short answer is that I ultimately had a negative experience in my MFA program, and once I graduated, I lost the will to do poetry things. Aside from my weekly haiku exchange with one of my former classmates, I stopped writing poetry (and prose, for that matter) altogether. I stopped attending most poetry events (except for I Scream Social, which is one of the best things Austin has to offer). While I kept reading poetry, I no longer felt any desire to do much in the way of either create my own work, or participate in a poetry community.
What have I been up to?
Since April 2018, I started focusing more on my yoga practice. I started my own business for my teaching practice: Luna Nidra. I started recording meditations and hosting workshops.
I’ve also kept busy in my teaching life at ACC, helping to grow our department. We’ve started hosting more events, and I led the relaunch of our social media presence.
Finally, I’ve been having some amazing adventures, including travel to Mexico City (my favorite), a road trip through New Mexico, and a glorious adventure in Peru this past July.
After my trip to Peru, I started feeling called to write again. I finished an essay that’s out for submission. I revised my manuscript and started sending it out again. And I’ve even written a few poems.
Still, I wonder whether I really want to continue keeping this space. On some level, it’s so deeply connected to a past life: my marriage that ended five years ago, old jobs, old friends, old adventures that are distant memories. I needed that hard break after my MFA, and I am starting to re-emerge as a writer. And yet I don’t necessarily want to return here. When I think about this site, and how much of the past it contains, I’m just not sure I want to keep it.
I’m not making any decisions just yet. Quite frankly, I’d be surprised if there were any readers left to see this after such a long silence. Perhaps I just need a total fresh start with my digital life. I’ll always be writing, but maybe this isn’t the place for it anymore. We’ll see.
“Younger than that now”? Perhaps so young that you have started all over. Reincarnated. Like a flower that blossoms after a winter from which nothing could have survived. You may totally redefine yourself (or not), but your spirit is invincible.
“Younger than that now”? Sounds like you are so young you are starting over. Like a flower that blossoms after a winter from which nothing can survive. If you chose to re-define yourself and your writing (or not), your spirit is invincible.
I’m here, and happy to see you here too!
It seems blogs have gone the way of dial phones and film cameras, but there remains an intimacy and sense of “showing up” that continues to feed my creative life. For a long spell, you were a part of my unofficial blog circle. I’m delighted to hear from you and, from a distance, observe your evolution as a poet and a person.
Write on, in whatever form feeds you.
With appreciation,
Drew
Glad to find your blog via Dave’s poetry blog digest — and to know you’re another lover of Mexico City. I hope you’ll keep writing, here or elsewhere, and for now will add this address to my feed reader.
You have it in you to create. Wherever you choose to unleash that gift and in what form is up to you. I look forward to more writing in many forms.
Persevere! I nearly shut my blog down a year or so back. Like you (although for different reasons), the poetry simply stopped happening. But I paid my sub, hoping that the lights might go back on again and now I’m writing again, albeit slowly. As the world of social media is increasingly dominated by hyperactive speed and the fleeting data-burst, we need thoughtful, ‘slow cooking’ blogs. Keep going…
I took a bunch of time off from blogging, as well. It was partly intentional — but the break lasted longer than I intended. As I jumped back in, I’ve been primarily publishing reading notes from books I’ve finished. Every time I try to share something personal — or write a poem! — it feels “off.” Likely, as you say, the accumulation of some bad experiences. I know I’ll get back to it, though. I’ve learned over the years it’s just part of how I’m built.
I’m so sorry that you had a bad experience in your MFA program. That’s devastating. Reach out if you need an ear. You aren’t alone in that experience, nor in divorce, which I’m sure you already know. xo
How wonderful that you’ve been having adventures, deepening your yoga practice & starting your own business. WOW!! That all sounds like an excellent trade for time away from your blog LOL