A few weeks ago, it occurred to me that I hadn’t posted here in over a year. In truth, I almost closed this blog down entirely when it was up for renewal in January. I was aware then that I hadn’t posted in a long time, but I also decided to keep it open just in case. Still, months have gone by, and I haven’t felt an impulse to return. Every now and then I get an impulse to delete the entire thing. Still I can’t quite bring myself to let the site go entirely. It’s my hope that perhaps in writing a post here, I’ll work through some of my thoughts on the matter.
The short answer is that I ultimately had a negative experience in my MFA program, and once I graduated, I lost the will to do poetry things. Aside from my weekly haiku exchange with one of my former classmates, I stopped writing poetry (and prose, for that matter) altogether. I stopped attending most poetry events (except for I Scream Social, which is one of the best things Austin has to offer). While I kept reading poetry, I no longer felt any desire to do much in the way of either create my own work, or participate in a poetry community.
What have I been up to?
Since April 2018, I started focusing more on my yoga practice. I started my own business for my teaching practice: Luna Nidra. I started recording meditations and hosting workshops.
I’ve also kept busy in my teaching life at ACC, helping to grow our department. We’ve started hosting more events, and I led the relaunch of our social media presence.
Finally, I’ve been having some amazing adventures, including travel to Mexico City (my favorite), a road trip through New Mexico, and a glorious adventure in Peru this past July.
After my trip to Peru, I started feeling called to write again. I finished an essay that’s out for submission. I revised my manuscript and started sending it out again. And I’ve even written a few poems.
Still, I wonder whether I really want to continue keeping this space. On some level, it’s so deeply connected to a past life: my marriage that ended five years ago, old jobs, old friends, old adventures that are distant memories. I needed that hard break after my MFA, and I am starting to re-emerge as a writer. And yet I don’t necessarily want to return here. When I think about this site, and how much of the past it contains, I’m just not sure I want to keep it.
I’m not making any decisions just yet. Quite frankly, I’d be surprised if there were any readers left to see this after such a long silence. Perhaps I just need a total fresh start with my digital life. I’ll always be writing, but maybe this isn’t the place for it anymore. We’ll see.